buncha buncha

Breaking up went so well, I had to do it twice. There was a lot of crying .... so I ended up sugar coating it. Long story short, I had to go back a couple days later and do it again. Then she opened an email dialogue ... to which I played into, but then realized I had to ignore. So I haven't responded to her 2 subsequent emails.

The first 24 hours I felt like crap. Gradually I'm feeling better and better, because I know it wasn't for me. Meanwhile, all my closest friends are getting engaged and married, and perhaps I'm just not ready for it. I'm not nearly as old as any of them. I want to experience some things on my own, and find the person I want to be with naturally, not by force. It'll happen if it happens.

Last few days here at work are a pain in the ass. I can't get shit accomplished.

Meanwhile, I'm surfing a forum, and someone posts a link
to this picture. That'll make your heart ache. It makes me feel like throwing up, gutting myself, whatever. I feel filthy for feeling glutted. It's like the feeling of shock, when you find out someone you care about passed away, and for a split moment (usually before the tears), that tense feeling you get.

The child in the photo likely died. If there is a G-d. What is his purpose for making a child suffer through disease and hunger? My dad always tells me that tough shit makes us stronger. Some things are so tough, you just fucking die ... then how are you stronger? You're fucking dead.

I'm glad I've never seen anything like that first hand. The photographer committed suicide after his time there.

That of course leads me to the fact that he left behind a 7 year old child. I don't even know what to say.

Tonight's the night, bitches.

The bitch sent me an email the other day about how I acted all distant and shit this weekend. Well, she's opened the floor for me to say what I need to say. Tonight, in about an hour, I'm going to head over there and just lay it out there. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to say it, or if I'm going to make notes, or what ... but the end result SHOULD be that I leave there with a limp dick and no GF.

Sure, it would be nice to keep boinking her because the sex is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ... but hey ... I'd rather jerk it than have some chick I don't like jockin my cock.

Damn I'm gonna miss the sex.

Two TO the Wind!

According to my SilkQuit ... we reach a milestone 2 year mark just 30 minutes after the clock strikes 12:

One year, eleven months, four weeks, two days, 18 hours, 58 minutes and 14 seconds. 14615 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,630.84. Life saved: 7 weeks, 1 day, 17 hours, 55 minutes.

Like wow, I'm a total fucking champ. I did break the rules once. I feel that, if you're an alcoholic, and your booze of choice was Vodka, you really can't go out having tequila shots one night after you've decided to quit. So I won't touch cigars, cloves, weed, anything, I can smoke nothing again. One time about a year ago a buddy of mine got some cigars for everyone, and I partook, but I seriously regretted it when my mouth tasted like shit for the next day or two.

Anyways ... I fucking rock.

ramble

dude says: I'm overpaid, so I fill my brain with useless knowledge of terms and trivia

dude says: to make up for the obvious gross overage

dude says: gross, as in excessive, not repulsive

dude says: excessive as in too much, repulsive as in negative connotation

dude says: connotation as in association

dude says: association like ... fruit = apple

dude says: apple ... like in the garden of eden, Adam (male) ate one

dude says: male, as in having a penis

dude says: penis, as in a male sex organ

dude says: sex organ, as in ... WHAT I USE TO GET IT ON WITH WOMEN

dude says: my little love snake to make them scream

dude says: women, as in BITCHES AND HOES!

All Dogs Go To Heaven

RIP little Poco-Nene. You never quite learned how to lay down or sit, or speak, or do any tricks really. But you sure loved your yellow sea urchin ball, and attention.

RIP.

Clickety Click Click

We've been here before
We'll be here again
It's fucking late
FUCK THREE A.M.

I hate work.

because

I need to dump my bitch. Her needs are infecting my time too greatly.

The animal had a birthday the other day. It makes me sad he's getting older, he'd better fucking live forever.

Life is pretty good overall right now. I'm about to shake up my professional life. My finances are doing ok overall, though I want to buy another bike and a dining set ...

It's Thursday. I can't wait for work to be over so I can go to the gym, then come home and play CS-Source.