Best.

Had a birthday the other day. My dad sure knows how to cheer me up. He always writes something in a card about how proud of me he is. How I've made a real life for myself and you can tell he just is so proud; wants to share the news with everyone.

For the fourth year in a row my sister continued my subscription to Playboy. No one ever believes me ... but yes; my younger sister orders me subscriptions to playboy. Well maybe they believe that part. But out of the 48+ I have at my house, I've probably read less than 10 of them, and seen pics in less than 15.

This was by far one of the best birthdays though. I spent it with RG. For the sake of anonymity, I like to post as few details as possible, but it was great. We spent the day together, she's a really great person and we get along amazingly well. It rained all day, and while we didn't spend the day in bed, I had a lot of fun.

Last night at the gym I totally pulled my back, and all night she just wanted to make me feel better. I don't like to get ahead of myself, but she's great.

HA! I came here to post about what a dick my boss is being and instead I posted something positive!

-Dude

Hypocritical Racists

I'm not Christian. This has always left me feeling somewhat of an outsider. Christmas, Easter, Church on Sundays, you get the idea. I'm not "racist" ... I believe in equality and I treat everyone equal as much as I can. I'll never knowingly use a racist term to someone's face. To me it's about education. If you drive an old (1980) pickup and live in a trailer ... and talk like a banjo, you're a cracker. Just like I DO believe that some people ARE the N word. Or C, or K. Racial slurs isn't what this post is about. Sometimes I'll make a comment or two amongst my closest friends that is COMPLETELY inappropriate. Whatever.

I found myself about to go into the six million talk, but that is not the purpose of this post.

I have a neighbor, one that I have to work very closely with. She's a complete jackass most of the time.

If she doesn't like you, she won't accept ANYTHING you say as correct or useful. SHe turns down good ideas for no reason, other than that it came from someone she doesn't like.

She's defintely bipolar, and I don't dish that term out often because I KNOW what it really means. It's the new age depression, not hot and cold exactly like most people think.

She writes a post talking about a group of "friends." She says she wasn't raised to think about color. BULLSHIT. Talks about how as she gets older, her caucasian friends understand less and less of her culture. SHE MAKES IT DIFFICULT. She could be Chinese, Cambodian, South African or from fucking California and we STILL would think she's a raving fucking psycho.

She invites me to read her blog. Emails or AIMS when a new post is up. Yet at the same time, her last two posts are direct attacks against a small group of people that hang out in our development (dare I say HOOD).

We were talking about laser hair removal, and someone asked how black women do it, becuase the pigment of their skin makes it damn near impossible for the laser to pickup on the black hair follicles. It's a legitimate question that she apparently thought was racist. She even talks about wanting to "slap the dumb bitch" who asked the question.

She says it's not about race, yet makes everything about race. We went to an Irish bar once, and IMMEDIATELY she got all pissed off and wanted to leave. We don't live in fucking Ireland, so what the fuck!? She goes outside and starts playing video games on the phone, texting and making phone calls. She MADE us leave basically, 'cause we are not THAT selfish, we sacrified for HER. So we went to another shitty bar that was basically all white. It's about color with her, she just can't admit it.

She blogs about her black friends, how they yell and scream all the time. How they talk on the phone at dinner; with a side comment about can you please turn it off!? HELLO. You do the same shit you fucking hypocrite. These friends won't do "white" things like spanish dancing, golf, tennis, wine tasting, shopping excursions to NYC ----- *ripping CD sound* ... HOLD UP. Her WHITE friends LOVE to do this kind of shit (except shopping trips to NYC). Every time the group does something, we labor over the idea of inviting her; we usually settle on HELL THE FUCK NO and come up with some elaborate story just in case we get busted or she says anything.

Suppose I feel sorry for her. She's a straight up pain in the ass bitch. She's more racially sensitive than anyone I've ever known personally. She's so overly DEFENSIVE that it's OFFENSIVE.

I don't know what she expected to gain from those posts. I thought about emailing her a WTF slap. Maybe that's what she wanted. I don't know. I started to think out the message, but it got profane so fast I figured I'd better not start world war three. It's her space, as this is mine. The only difference is that I don't plaster my friends with emails every time I post. As a matter of fact, only one person I know even knows about this.

The best part? She usually only likes WHITE guys!

I'm going to work now ... perhaps there will be another post entitled: Pain in the Ass Boss.

TGIF
-Dude

I'm a Quitter

***Alarm buzzing*** It's 7:30am. Time to get up for work. Hop out of bed, still tired from being up late. Where's my pack? Oh yeah, on the desk. Ahhh only 2 left, this will get me through until I leave for lunch.

I smoke 2-4 at lunch; really just depends how stressful my day is and how far I drive.

After work I'm good for 2 on the way home, and after dinner I kick into overdrive and probably kill another 10-15 before bed time. I'll stay up late if it means I can squeeze one more in.

[fast forward 3 years]

Three years, seven days, to be more precise. I've avoided 22,000+ cigarettes. I've saved over $4,000.00. At around 5 minutes a smoke, I've saved about 11 weeks of my life.

It was the smartest thing I've ever done. I don't wake up wheezing, I don't feel tight chested, I don't heave and huff up stairs. I piss my money away on other things. The air smells better, food has more flavor, and if I ever have kids or grandkids, I'll be able spend more time with them.

I don't litter butts anymore. I'm still a butthead, but that's part of my core.

I must confess though; around September I had a relapse. Her name was Kristi, aka Psycho Slut (didn't tap it, thank goodness). It started innocent enough, I lit one for her because she was too drunk. A lite turned to a drag turned into a whole one into a pack into a more-than-just-with-her mental obsession; again.

I was on and off again for 2 months. TWO MONTHS!? While winning bike races mind you. Three years of being smoke free, super healthy, and I, LE CHAMP have a relapse!? I'm good again, I don't think about it, I missed my 3 year without a thought of the last one. I don't count the 2 month stint.

I'm a quitter.

-Dude

The POM

I was in high school. Youngest kid at the joint, makin' web pages, earning some sweet cash for a kid, life was good. Sometimes I miss the good ole days!

We worked with a ton of different people. One was a guy named Ron (I think). We called him POM (Pompous Old Man). He was our marketing director, and he was a complete idiot.

We worked in one building. Across the street was another (can you believe it!?). We used to go over to the concierge for snacks in the morning and sometimes afternoon too. One day POM went over for a candy bar and came back about an hour later, sweating like crazy. He'd gotten lost outside in the heat; couldn't find his way back across the street. This is not made up.

He was so oblivious, that making fun of him to his face was too easy ... so we'd write mock emails, pretending to him, to eachother. If I can find any at home, I'll post a couple. They were hysterical.

-Dude

Early Bird Gets The Worm.

The early bird doesn't get shit. I've been coming into work early and really busting hump the last month (almost). No one notices (or says anything if they do). They just do the typical shit: ask for more.

"What will it take to buy your spare time?" he asked. I'm like, are you kidding.

Money doesn't motivate me. That's what I say. I like money, we need it to live. But sometimes things aren't for sale. Extra money would be great, but I don't NEED it. So to ask me what it would take to "own" me, it would take a lot of money. It would need to make YOU sacrifice something as sacred to YOU as my time is to me. Tit for tat. Money motivates most people, especially employers.

I committed to working more, I haven't heard what I get for that. Supposedly evals are coming up. I'm asking for 15-20%, not a measley 3 or 4. If I don't get it, I really need to mount up and figure out my professional life. I've been going in circles too long.

I worked too hard as a kid to get to the top of the totem pole to only end up at the bottom a few years later, after all that sacrifice; when my time didn't mean so much to me.

-Dude

Fish In The Muck

fish wrote a blog complaining about what a loser he is. Dude, you're far from a loser. You just are in a rut.

This clown is fucking set. Nice retirement setup from previous employer, good job after doing what I'd KILL to do: go on work hiatus living off the fruits of equity for like 5 months. Owns a fucking BLIMPIE store and is set to close on a fucking amazing condo in like 2 months!? All he needs is a nice chicky bird. Don't we all.

not social -> stay home -> eat all day -> get fat -> no friends -> no FEMALE friends -> no relationships -> no sex -> master masturbator -> severe wrist inflammation -> no golf -> relinquishing CPC (crappy players championship) cup -> depression -> anti-social++

So I thought ...
social -> go out -> drink like fish -> get fat -> too many friends (from drinking, not fatening) -> no FEMALE friends that put out -> no relationships -> no sex -> master masturbator -> severe wrist inflammation -> no golf -> relinquishing CPC (crappy players championship) cup -> depression -> newly anti-social

Or maybe ...
anti-social -> stay in -> workout like a madman -> get buff -> meet chicks -> get FEMALE friends that want your body -> no relationships -> tons of sex -> master clit stimulator -> severe thumb and index finger inflammation -> no golf -> who cares getting tons of sex -> need counseling for too much sex -> anti-social because of being used for sex

The path is clear. Stay anti-social.

-Dude

Got Skills?

RG emails me almost every morning. I look forward to starting our side-banter when I get to work. I think I've been coming in early for it.

...
enjoyed my wake up call tremendously --- you have skills [Dude] -- you definitely have skills --- :)
...

Awww shucks. I knew that! I often wonder what my neighbor hears of me, as I don't hear her, but other people complain that the walls are thin. So naturally I reply:

...
Oh, [neighbor] called, said [neighbor's wife] wants me to teach him whatever it is I know.
........
Yes I'm kidding about [neighbor] calling, but man my ego is so huge right now I'm tempted to tell everyone I know what you said!
...

...
Is the ego as big as Texas yet? Go ahead and tell everyone --- you've earned the right ---- I'm planning on telling everyone -- :) so if everyone looks at you longingly Friday, you'll know why -- they're jealous --- shoot, I'll call [neighbor] myself
...

Hooked.

-Dude

When all is well. It's not.

Life is good. I have a beautiful home ... I have the Animal. I'm healthy. My family is healthy. Life is great.

Today I went to the dentist for the first time in about 7 years. It hurt like a bitch, and cost $230 ... but they told me I don't have any cavities!?!?! What about the holes in my molars!??!? Oh, those are from grinding my teeth!? Sweet. I figured I was going to have to drop at least a grand on fillings. Much to my surprise, my teeth are in FANTASTIC shape. Dude 1 - Day 0.

Had a horrific 2 hour phone conference that I had figured out in the first 20 minutes. But you know business types ... they never shut up and will stop at nothing to prove you wrong, unless you're right. Then they just beat you with a limp dick until it breaks off and you win. Dude 1 - Day 1.

A stock I have went up 50% today. It's my current underdog, since it tanked from being over $7, down to under $3. I doubled my position and have a few hundred shares. I might make it out alive after all! Dude 2 - Day 1.

Going to hang out with RG tonight. I hate to say it, but I miss her. Dude 3 - Day 1.

Go to the gym for a shock chest day. Awesome workout, hit my desired weights in sweet time, felt great! Dude 4 - Day 1.

As I'm backing out my pimp daddy ride, I'm on the end parking spot of a row. I see a car coming, but it looks to go by, so I keep backing out. Suddenly I see a flash in my rear view, FUCK the fucker turned. Brakes. Hear a slight scraping sound, but didn't get jolted at all. No biggie. I drive down the lot ... then I think; I should look. So I get out and look. FUCKER MOTHER FUCK. Scrape on the bumper. Looks like a blemish, but I need to go look at the other car.

Some Indian guy is getting in and out of his car with his Indian girl. Not that it matters what nationality, just saying. So I hollar at him. He looks. I show him mine. I explain we have similar marks, it's not a big deal to me since it looks like I can buff it out. He asks for my information just in case ... I give name and phone number. I explained if he wanted to go through insurance, I had to call the Police right then. He went and looked at his car again and said no biggie. I left.

Now that I'm home, I'm mad of course. I looked with a light. The mark is larger than I thought. It might not buff out. I'm angry. It wasn't my fault? It was my rear left to his rear right quarter panel. He overshot. My reverse lights were on. FUCK.

Dude 4 - Day 2. That's how I have to look at it. I have to convince myself that what happened happened, it's out of my control. I can analyze to death, or say what if I left +/- for the gym, or from the gym, etc. It was meant to be, this fender bender.

I have my health. I have my home and the animal. I have a job, and a girl who's really into me, and who gets me (so far). I have a scraped rear bumper, and that's ok.

Life goes on. Life is great.

My Partner In Crime

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
-Unknown

The Animal turned 5 yesterday. He's been a major part of my daily life for the past 5 freakin' years (minus about 12 weeks but who's counting). He's a little daddy's boy. Tons of attitude, a real character. Not to leave out; one heak of a funny snuggle bunny!

Before I get sappy, for his birthday he got a kickass sweater thing and a little squeeky frog! The sweater is kinda funny looking, but it's blue, so who cares right. Tonight I'll hook him up with some doggie ice cream. Not like he knows it's his birthday anyways.

I would do anything for the Animal. I'd pay $10,000 at the vet. I'd risk my life to safe his. If I lost all my posessions, but still had him, we'd pull through. The mere thought that our time is likely 1/3 past almost brings tears to my eyes.

I love my dog.

-Dude

06 Oh Yeah.

Resolutions? Sure. Do I call them that? Hell no. I resolve to get back to business. Time to bust out the old school bag of tricks.

FitDay.com daily.

I've moved to a new gym. No excuses about the gym being too far away now. A lot of the equipment I'm used to isn't at the new place. So I'm going to have to really read around on EXRX.net and create a variation. A lot of the exercises are stale to me, and I think I could benefit from some different ones. For example, pulldowns have always been better for my lats than pull ups.

In my notebook I'm on week 40. Now, that's since June 2004. I've skipped weeks from laziness, vacation, recovery, and because I was cycling instead.

For now however, I am sitting in a nice comfy office chair, suppose I should get back to the grind.

-Dude